We have an amazing retention. We removed the unsubscribe button.

We found the perfect product-market fit. Our product is inexistent, and so is our market.

We have a unicorn valuation and hamster execution.

We reached a hockey stick growth. Of our AWS costs.

Our users love us. Both of them.

We're building a community of confused users.

Our unique selling point is our creative use of Powerpoint effects.

We are fully bootstrapped. Mostly because nobody wants to fund us.

We pivoted so much that we developed the same product twice.

Our tech debt is so big it now has interests.

We spent all our pre-seed on hoodies.

95% of our valuation comes from our domain name.

We got an acquisition offer! For our domain name.

Our founder thinks JavaScript is a coffee order.

We’re not in stealth mode, just too behind to be seen.

We pivot so often our GPS gave up.

Our business plan is just 'AI' written 37 times.

We were cashflow positive until someone asked what that meant.

We were profitable once — in a simulation.

Our CEO has one superpower. LinkedIn posts.