Our founder thinks JavaScript is a coffee order.

Our mothers don't understand any sentence in our pitch deck. Neither does our team.

Our MRR stands for 'Mostly Rhetorical Revenue'.

We're agile: we run in circles, fast.

We don’t have users, we have survivors.

We raised a seed round. Now we can afford chairs.

We do standups to remember who's still here.

We spent 3 months on logo, 3 minutes on product.

We found the perfect product-market fit. Our product is inexistent, and so is our market.

We reached a hockey stick growth. Of our AWS costs.

Our users loved the product… until they realized it wasn’t free.

We pivoted from a failed startup into a podcast about it.

Our unique selling point is our creative use of Powerpoint effects.

We have an amazing retention. We removed the unsubscribe button.

We have 14 daily users. And 20 employees...

We have a unicorn valuation and hamster execution.

We spent all our pre-seed on hoodies.

We're in pre-pivot stealth beta alpha.

We pivot so often our product has motion sickness.

Our roadmap is a series of panic attacks with deadlines.