Our exit strategy is getting acquired for our office chairs.

We are fully bootstrapped. Mostly because nobody wants to fund us.

We're agile: we run in circles, fast.

We have an amazing retention. We removed the unsubscribe button.

Our tech debt is so big it now has interests.

Our KPI is just how many times we say 'synergy' in meetings.

We got accepted into an accelerator. Now we burn money faster.

We have more decks than users.

Our mothers don't understand any sentence in our pitch deck. Neither does our team.

We found the perfect product-market fit. Our product is inexistent, and so is our market.

We have 51 microservices, 10 database, 3 domain names. And 2 users.

We have one strikingly growing KPI. Our churn rate.

Our product solves a problem no one has, at a price no one can afford.

We pivoted from a failed startup into a podcast about it.

We have 14 daily users. And 20 employees...

We don’t have users, we have survivors.

Our users loved the product… until they realized it wasn’t free.

Our founder thinks JavaScript is a coffee order.

Our go-to-market strategy is hope. And prayers.

We spent all our pre-seed on hoodies.