Our product solves a problem no one has, at a price no one can afford.

We spent all our pre-seed on hoodies.

We found the perfect product-market fit. Our product is inexistent, and so is our market.

Our go-to-market strategy is hope. And prayers.

We pivot so often our GPS gave up.

We outsource everything. Particularly, accountability.

Our business plan is just 'AI' written 37 times.

Our MRR stands for 'Mostly Rhetorical Revenue'.

Our unique selling point is our creative use of Powerpoint effects.

We A/B tested our landing page. Both versions failed.

Our most active user is a bot we forgot to disable.

Our roadmap is a series of panic attacks with deadlines.

We pivot so often our product has motion sickness.

We pivot so often our product has motion sickness.

Our founder thinks JavaScript is a coffee order.

We have more decks than users.

Our north star KPI is the percentage of buzzwords in our pitch deck.

Our KPI is just how many times we say 'synergy' in meetings.

We pivoted so much that we developed the same product twice.

We pitched to 50 VCs. 52 said no.