We pivot so often our product has motion sickness.

Our go-to-market strategy is hope. And prayers.

We A/B tested our landing page. Both versions failed.

We were profitable once — in a simulation.

We have 14 daily users. And 20 employees...

Our roadmap is a series of panic attacks with deadlines.

We have an amazing retention. We removed the unsubscribe button.

We're agile: we run in circles, fast.

We’re not in stealth mode, just too behind to be seen.

Our KPI is just how many times we say 'synergy' in meetings.

Our exit strategy is getting acquired for our office chairs.

Our CEO has one superpower. LinkedIn posts.

We pivot so often our GPS gave up.

We outsource everything. Particularly, accountability.

We don’t have users, we have survivors.

Our users love us. Both of them.

Our business plan is just 'AI' written 37 times.

We have 51 microservices, 10 database, 3 domain names. And 2 users.

We're in pre-pivot stealth beta alpha.

We reached a hockey stick growth. Of our AWS costs.