We have 14 daily users. And 20 employees...

Our mothers don't understand any sentence in our pitch deck. Neither does our team.

We have a unicorn valuation and hamster execution.

We spent all our pre-seed on hoodies.

We're in pre-pivot stealth beta alpha.

We have more funding rounds than customers.

Our unique selling point is our creative use of Powerpoint effects.

Our go-to-market strategy is hope. And prayers.

We pitched to 50 VCs. 52 said no.

We are fully bootstrapped. Mostly because nobody wants to fund us.

Our north star KPI is the percentage of buzzwords in our pitch deck.

Our MRR stands for 'Mostly Rhetorical Revenue'.

We pivoted so much our AI startup became a lemonade stand.

We pivoted so much that we developed the same product twice.

Our roadmap is a series of panic attacks with deadlines.

We reached a hockey stick growth. Of our AWS costs.

Our growth hack was changing fonts and praying.

Our most active user is a bot we forgot to disable.

We do standups to remember who's still here.

Our users loved the product… until they realized it wasn’t free.