We found the perfect product-market fit. Our product is inexistent, and so is our market.

We have an amazing retention. We removed the unsubscribe button.

We pivot so often our product has motion sickness.

We're agile: we run in circles, fast.

We're agile, mostly in our ability to find new excuses.

We pivoted so much our AI startup became a lemonade stand.

Our KPI is just how many times we say 'synergy' in meetings.

Our north star KPI is the percentage of buzzwords in our pitch deck.

We reached a hockey stick growth. Of our AWS costs.

We have 51 microservices, 10 database, 3 domain names. And 2 users.

We were profitable once — in a simulation.

Our roadmap is a series of panic attacks with deadlines.

We spent all our pre-seed on hoodies.

We pitched to 50 VCs. 52 said no.

Our CEO has one superpower. LinkedIn posts.

We spent 3 months on logo, 3 minutes on product.

We have more decks than users.

We have 14 daily users. And 20 employees...

We outsource everything. Particularly, accountability.

Our users loved the product… until they realized it wasn’t free.