We raised a pre-seed round. We now have enough funds to build our pitch deck for the seed round

We spent all our pre-seed on hoodies.

Our growth hack was changing fonts and praying.

We're in pre-pivot stealth beta alpha.

We have a unicorn valuation and hamster execution.

We're agile, mostly in our ability to find new excuses.

We got an acquisition offer! For our domain name.

We pivot so often our GPS gave up.

We reached a hockey stick growth. Of our AWS costs.

We found the perfect product-market fit. Our product is inexistent, and so is our market.

We pivoted so much that we developed the same product twice.

We're building a community of confused users.

Our go-to-market strategy is hope. And prayers.

We have 51 microservices, 10 database, 3 domain names. And 2 users.

We pivot so often our product has motion sickness.

Our app does one thing well: crash.

Our north star KPI is the percentage of buzzwords in our pitch deck.

We pivoted from a failed startup into a podcast about it.

We’re not in stealth mode, just too behind to be seen.

We have 14 daily users. And 20 employees...