We raised a pre-seed round. We now have enough funds to build our pitch deck for the seed round

We have a unicorn valuation and hamster execution.

We pivot so often our product has motion sickness.

Our north star KPI is the percentage of buzzwords in our pitch deck.

We don’t have users, we have survivors.

Our tech debt is so big it now has interests.

We outsource everything. Particularly, accountability.

We have more decks than users.

We pivot so often our GPS gave up.

Our MRR stands for 'Mostly Rhetorical Revenue'.

We are fully bootstrapped. Mostly because nobody wants to fund us.

Our users love us. Both of them.

We're agile: we run in circles, fast.

95% of our valuation comes from our domain name.

We're D2C: Desperate to Convert.

We have more funding rounds than customers.

After many months of hard work, we finally reached product-market confusion.

We have one strikingly growing KPI. Our churn rate.

We’re not in stealth mode, just too behind to be seen.

We were profitable once — in a simulation.