After many months of hard work, we finally reached product-market confusion.

Our north star KPI is the percentage of buzzwords in our pitch deck.

We are fully bootstrapped. Mostly because nobody wants to fund us.

Our mothers don't understand any sentence in our pitch deck. Neither does our team.

We pivoted from a failed startup into a podcast about it.

We A/B tested our landing page. Both versions failed.

We're agile: we run in circles, fast.

We spent 3 months on logo, 3 minutes on product.

Our business plan is just 'AI' written 37 times.

We outsource everything. Particularly, accountability.

We raised a seed round. Now we can afford chairs.

Our KPI is just how many times we say 'synergy' in meetings.

Our unique selling point is our creative use of Powerpoint effects.

We pivoted so much that we developed the same product twice.

We reached a hockey stick growth. Of our AWS costs.

We’re not in stealth mode, just too behind to be seen.

We got accepted into an accelerator. Now we burn money faster.

We don’t have users, we have survivors.

We have 14 daily users. And 20 employees...

Our users love us. Both of them.