We spent all our pre-seed on hoodies.

After many months of hard work, we finally reached product-market confusion.

We spent 3 months on logo, 3 minutes on product.

We raised a seed round. Now we can afford chairs.

We pivot so often our product has motion sickness.

We're in pre-pivot stealth beta alpha.

Our product solves a problem no one has, at a price no one can afford.

Our growth hack was changing fonts and praying.

We reached a one billion dollars valuation. In Zimbabwean dollars.

Our founder thinks JavaScript is a coffee order.

Our north star KPI is the percentage of buzzwords in our pitch deck.

We do standups to remember who's still here.

We have more decks than users.

We got an acquisition offer! For our domain name.

We're agile, mostly in our ability to find new excuses.

Our users love us. Both of them.

Our mothers don't understand any sentence in our pitch deck. Neither does our team.

We A/B tested our landing page. Both versions failed.

We are fully bootstrapped. Mostly because nobody wants to fund us.

We don’t have users, we have survivors.