Our users loved the product… until they realized it wasn’t free.

Our exit strategy is getting acquired for our office chairs.

We were cashflow positive until someone asked what that meant.

We have more funding rounds than customers.

We outsource everything. Particularly, accountability.

We got an acquisition offer! For our domain name.

Our business plan is just 'AI' written 37 times.

Our roadmap is a series of panic attacks with deadlines.

We pivoted so much that we developed the same product twice.

Our growth hack was changing fonts and praying.

We pitched to 50 VCs. 52 said no.

We're building a community of confused users.

We're D2C: Desperate to Convert.

We have one strikingly growing KPI. Our churn rate.

We found the perfect product-market fit. Our product is inexistent, and so is our market.

Our MRR stands for 'Mostly Rhetorical Revenue'.

We do standups to remember who's still here.

We have 51 microservices, 10 database, 3 domain names. And 2 users.

Our product solves a problem no one has, at a price no one can afford.

We are fully bootstrapped. Mostly because nobody wants to fund us.