We're agile: we run in circles, fast.

We pitched to 50 VCs. 52 said no.

Our tech debt is so big it now has interests.

We spent 3 months on logo, 3 minutes on product.

Our product solves a problem no one has, at a price no one can afford.

We got accepted into an accelerator. Now we burn money faster.

We were cashflow positive until someone asked what that meant.

Our growth hack was changing fonts and praying.

Our KPI is just how many times we say 'synergy' in meetings.

We’re not in stealth mode, just too behind to be seen.

We raised a seed round. Now we can afford chairs.

We found the perfect product-market fit. Our product is inexistent, and so is our market.

After many months of hard work, we finally reached product-market confusion.

We have 51 microservices, 10 database, 3 domain names. And 2 users.

We reached a hockey stick growth. Of our AWS costs.

We do standups to remember who's still here.

Our roadmap is a series of panic attacks with deadlines.

We outsource everything. Particularly, accountability.

95% of our valuation comes from our domain name.

We have a unicorn valuation and hamster execution.