Our most active user is a bot we forgot to disable.

We have more decks than users.

Our users love us. Both of them.

We raised a seed round. Now we can afford chairs.

Our CEO has one superpower. LinkedIn posts.

We were profitable once — in a simulation.

Our founder thinks JavaScript is a coffee order.

We reached a one billion dollars valuation. In Zimbabwean dollars.

We have 51 microservices, 10 database, 3 domain names. And 2 users.

We pivoted so much that we developed the same product twice.

We A/B tested our landing page. Both versions failed.

We got an acquisition offer! For our domain name.

We got accepted into an accelerator. Now we burn money faster.

We reached a hockey stick growth. Of our AWS costs.

We’re not in stealth mode, just too behind to be seen.

Our north star KPI is the percentage of buzzwords in our pitch deck.

We have 14 daily users. And 20 employees...

After many months of hard work, we finally reached product-market confusion.

We have more funding rounds than customers.

Our go-to-market strategy is hope. And prayers.