We were cashflow positive until someone asked what that meant.

We spent all our pre-seed on hoodies.

Our app does one thing well: crash.

We were profitable once — in a simulation.

We found the perfect product-market fit. Our product is inexistent, and so is our market.

We raised a seed round. Now we can afford chairs.

We're in pre-pivot stealth beta alpha.

We A/B tested our landing page. Both versions failed.

We pivoted so much our AI startup became a lemonade stand.

Our CEO has one superpower. LinkedIn posts.

Our go-to-market strategy is hope. And prayers.

We’re not in stealth mode, just too behind to be seen.

We're agile, mostly in our ability to find new excuses.

Our north star KPI is the percentage of buzzwords in our pitch deck.

We're D2C: Desperate to Convert.

Our mothers don't understand any sentence in our pitch deck. Neither does our team.

We're building a community of confused users.

After many months of hard work, we finally reached product-market confusion.

We have a unicorn valuation and hamster execution.

We do standups to remember who's still here.