Our users loved the product… until they realized it wasn’t free.

Our unique selling point is our creative use of Powerpoint effects.

We’re not in stealth mode, just too behind to be seen.

Our app does one thing well: crash.

We don’t have users, we have survivors.

We were profitable once — in a simulation.

Our north star KPI is the percentage of buzzwords in our pitch deck.

Our users love us. Both of them.

We pivot so often our GPS gave up.

We are fully bootstrapped. Mostly because nobody wants to fund us.

We spent 3 months on logo, 3 minutes on product.

Our growth hack was changing fonts and praying.

We have 14 daily users. And 20 employees...

We pitched to 50 VCs. 52 said no.

We do standups to remember who's still here.

We pivoted from a failed startup into a podcast about it.

We're D2C: Desperate to Convert.

We're building a community of confused users.

We pivoted so much that we developed the same product twice.

We raised a seed round. Now we can afford chairs.