We pivoted from a failed startup into a podcast about it.

We have an amazing retention. We removed the unsubscribe button.

We reached a hockey stick growth. Of our AWS costs.

We're agile: we run in circles, fast.

Our tech debt is so big it now has interests.

Our app does one thing well: crash.

Our MRR stands for 'Mostly Rhetorical Revenue'.

Our CEO has one superpower. LinkedIn posts.

We have 51 microservices, 10 database, 3 domain names. And 2 users.

95% of our valuation comes from our domain name.

Our north star KPI is the percentage of buzzwords in our pitch deck.

We pitched to 50 VCs. 52 said no.

Our users loved the product… until they realized it wasn’t free.

We pivot so often our product has motion sickness.

We A/B tested our landing page. Both versions failed.

We are fully bootstrapped. Mostly because nobody wants to fund us.

Our most active user is a bot we forgot to disable.

We’re not in stealth mode, just too behind to be seen.

Our mothers don't understand any sentence in our pitch deck. Neither does our team.

Our go-to-market strategy is hope. And prayers.