Our growth hack was changing fonts and praying.

Our CEO has one superpower. LinkedIn posts.

We got an acquisition offer! For our domain name.

We don’t have users, we have survivors.

Our tech debt is so big it now has interests.

We have an amazing retention. We removed the unsubscribe button.

Our app does one thing well: crash.

Our founder thinks JavaScript is a coffee order.

Our users loved the product… until they realized it wasn’t free.

We have a unicorn valuation and hamster execution.

We're agile: we run in circles, fast.

Our product solves a problem no one has, at a price no one can afford.

We're in pre-pivot stealth beta alpha.

We're agile, mostly in our ability to find new excuses.

Our roadmap is a series of panic attacks with deadlines.

We reached a hockey stick growth. Of our AWS costs.

We have more decks than users.

After many months of hard work, we finally reached product-market confusion.

We found the perfect product-market fit. Our product is inexistent, and so is our market.

We’re not in stealth mode, just too behind to be seen.