We have one strikingly growing KPI. Our churn rate.

We have more funding rounds than customers.

Our growth hack was changing fonts and praying.

We pivot so often our product has motion sickness.

Our KPI is just how many times we say 'synergy' in meetings.

Our users loved the product… until they realized it wasn’t free.

We got an acquisition offer! For our domain name.

Our product solves a problem no one has, at a price no one can afford.

We reached a hockey stick growth. Of our AWS costs.

We pitched to 50 VCs. 52 said no.

Our founder thinks JavaScript is a coffee order.

Our tech debt is so big it now has interests.

We're agile: we run in circles, fast.

We raised a seed round. Now we can afford chairs.

We pivoted from a failed startup into a podcast about it.

95% of our valuation comes from our domain name.

Our unique selling point is our creative use of Powerpoint effects.

We were cashflow positive until someone asked what that meant.

Our north star KPI is the percentage of buzzwords in our pitch deck.

We pivoted so much that we developed the same product twice.