We pivoted so much our AI startup became a lemonade stand.

Our unique selling point is our creative use of Powerpoint effects.

We have one strikingly growing KPI. Our churn rate.

We have a unicorn valuation and hamster execution.

We're D2C: Desperate to Convert.

We’re not in stealth mode, just too behind to be seen.

Our go-to-market strategy is hope. And prayers.

Our users loved the product… until they realized it wasn’t free.

Our growth hack was changing fonts and praying.

We spent 3 months on logo, 3 minutes on product.

We pivot so often our GPS gave up.

After many months of hard work, we finally reached product-market confusion.

Our exit strategy is getting acquired for our office chairs.

We are fully bootstrapped. Mostly because nobody wants to fund us.

We have an amazing retention. We removed the unsubscribe button.

We pivot so often our product has motion sickness.

We have 51 microservices, 10 database, 3 domain names. And 2 users.

Our app does one thing well: crash.

We reached a hockey stick growth. Of our AWS costs.

We don’t have users, we have survivors.