We're D2C: Desperate to Convert.

We have 51 microservices, 10 database, 3 domain names. And 2 users.

We have 14 daily users. And 20 employees...

We outsource everything. Particularly, accountability.

Our KPI is just how many times we say 'synergy' in meetings.

We're in pre-pivot stealth beta alpha.

Our mothers don't understand any sentence in our pitch deck. Neither does our team.

We have one strikingly growing KPI. Our churn rate.

We have more funding rounds than customers.

We pivoted so much that we developed the same product twice.

We pivot so often our product has motion sickness.

Our business plan is just 'AI' written 37 times.

We are fully bootstrapped. Mostly because nobody wants to fund us.

We don’t have users, we have survivors.

We got an acquisition offer! For our domain name.

We spent 3 months on logo, 3 minutes on product.

Our most active user is a bot we forgot to disable.

Our exit strategy is getting acquired for our office chairs.

We're building a community of confused users.

We're agile: we run in circles, fast.