We don’t have users, we have survivors.

We A/B tested our landing page. Both versions failed.

Our MRR stands for 'Mostly Rhetorical Revenue'.

After many months of hard work, we finally reached product-market confusion.

Our founder thinks JavaScript is a coffee order.

Our product solves a problem no one has, at a price no one can afford.

We're building a community of confused users.

We're agile: we run in circles, fast.

95% of our valuation comes from our domain name.

We do standups to remember who's still here.

We're in pre-pivot stealth beta alpha.

We raised a seed round. Now we can afford chairs.

Our north star KPI is the percentage of buzzwords in our pitch deck.

We have more funding rounds than customers.

Our users loved the product… until they realized it wasn’t free.

We are fully bootstrapped. Mostly because nobody wants to fund us.

We raised a pre-seed round. We now have enough funds to build our pitch deck for the seed round

We pivot so often our GPS gave up.

We have 51 microservices, 10 database, 3 domain names. And 2 users.

We were cashflow positive until someone asked what that meant.