We're in pre-pivot stealth beta alpha.

We reached a one billion dollars valuation. In Zimbabwean dollars.

Our unique selling point is our creative use of Powerpoint effects.

Our CEO has one superpower. LinkedIn posts.

Our north star KPI is the percentage of buzzwords in our pitch deck.

Our MRR stands for 'Mostly Rhetorical Revenue'.

We raised a pre-seed round. We now have enough funds to build our pitch deck for the seed round

We reached a hockey stick growth. Of our AWS costs.

Our product solves a problem no one has, at a price no one can afford.

We pivot so often our product has motion sickness.

We were profitable once — in a simulation.

We have 14 daily users. And 20 employees...

We're building a community of confused users.

We have more decks than users.

We pitched to 50 VCs. 52 said no.

We raised a seed round. Now we can afford chairs.

Our mothers don't understand any sentence in our pitch deck. Neither does our team.

We pivoted from a failed startup into a podcast about it.

Our roadmap is a series of panic attacks with deadlines.

Our users love us. Both of them.