We pivoted from a failed startup into a podcast about it.

We have an amazing retention. We removed the unsubscribe button.

We have more funding rounds than customers.

We have more decks than users.

We’re not in stealth mode, just too behind to be seen.

We're in pre-pivot stealth beta alpha.

We raised a seed round. Now we can afford chairs.

We A/B tested our landing page. Both versions failed.

We have a unicorn valuation and hamster execution.

We reached a one billion dollars valuation. In Zimbabwean dollars.

Our exit strategy is getting acquired for our office chairs.

We're agile: we run in circles, fast.

Our most active user is a bot we forgot to disable.

We pivot so often our product has motion sickness.

We pivoted so much our AI startup became a lemonade stand.

Our unique selling point is our creative use of Powerpoint effects.

We spent all our pre-seed on hoodies.

We pivot so often our product has motion sickness.

We're agile, mostly in our ability to find new excuses.

We found the perfect product-market fit. Our product is inexistent, and so is our market.