We're building a community of confused users.

Our KPI is just how many times we say 'synergy' in meetings.

We do standups to remember who's still here.

We have 14 daily users. And 20 employees...

Our growth hack was changing fonts and praying.

Our mothers don't understand any sentence in our pitch deck. Neither does our team.

We are fully bootstrapped. Mostly because nobody wants to fund us.

We're in pre-pivot stealth beta alpha.

Our go-to-market strategy is hope. And prayers.

We found the perfect product-market fit. Our product is inexistent, and so is our market.

We have more decks than users.

Our most active user is a bot we forgot to disable.

We're D2C: Desperate to Convert.

We pivot so often our GPS gave up.

Our business plan is just 'AI' written 37 times.

We pitched to 50 VCs. 52 said no.

Our MRR stands for 'Mostly Rhetorical Revenue'.

We have 51 microservices, 10 database, 3 domain names. And 2 users.

We have a unicorn valuation and hamster execution.

We’re not in stealth mode, just too behind to be seen.