We have an amazing retention. We removed the unsubscribe button.

We pivoted so much our AI startup became a lemonade stand.

We're building a community of confused users.

We raised a pre-seed round. We now have enough funds to build our pitch deck for the seed round

We got accepted into an accelerator. Now we burn money faster.

We A/B tested our landing page. Both versions failed.

We do standups to remember who's still here.

Our roadmap is a series of panic attacks with deadlines.

We have a unicorn valuation and hamster execution.

Our KPI is just how many times we say 'synergy' in meetings.

Our go-to-market strategy is hope. And prayers.

Our product solves a problem no one has, at a price no one can afford.

Our tech debt is so big it now has interests.

We have more decks than users.

Our business plan is just 'AI' written 37 times.

We don’t have users, we have survivors.

We spent all our pre-seed on hoodies.

Our MRR stands for 'Mostly Rhetorical Revenue'.

After many months of hard work, we finally reached product-market confusion.

We spent 3 months on logo, 3 minutes on product.