We raised a seed round. Now we can afford chairs.

Our most active user is a bot we forgot to disable.

Our north star KPI is the percentage of buzzwords in our pitch deck.

We pivoted so much our AI startup became a lemonade stand.

We have 14 daily users. And 20 employees...

We are fully bootstrapped. Mostly because nobody wants to fund us.

Our tech debt is so big it now has interests.

Our app does one thing well: crash.

We pitched to 50 VCs. 52 said no.

We pivoted so much that we developed the same product twice.

Our KPI is just how many times we say 'synergy' in meetings.

We got accepted into an accelerator. Now we burn money faster.

Our founder thinks JavaScript is a coffee order.

Our CEO has one superpower. LinkedIn posts.

We have a unicorn valuation and hamster execution.

We do standups to remember who's still here.

We're building a community of confused users.

We have 51 microservices, 10 database, 3 domain names. And 2 users.

Our exit strategy is getting acquired for our office chairs.

We're D2C: Desperate to Convert.