We have 14 daily users. And 20 employees...

Our users love us. Both of them.

Our app does one thing well: crash.

We got accepted into an accelerator. Now we burn money faster.

Our mothers don't understand any sentence in our pitch deck. Neither does our team.

After many months of hard work, we finally reached product-market confusion.

Our go-to-market strategy is hope. And prayers.

Our tech debt is so big it now has interests.

Our unique selling point is our creative use of Powerpoint effects.

We pivoted so much that we developed the same product twice.

Our CEO has one superpower. LinkedIn posts.

Our north star KPI is the percentage of buzzwords in our pitch deck.

We have 51 microservices, 10 database, 3 domain names. And 2 users.

Our roadmap is a series of panic attacks with deadlines.

We have an amazing retention. We removed the unsubscribe button.

Our growth hack was changing fonts and praying.

We outsource everything. Particularly, accountability.

We were cashflow positive until someone asked what that meant.

We do standups to remember who's still here.

We pivot so often our product has motion sickness.