We raised a seed round. Now we can afford chairs.

Our product solves a problem no one has, at a price no one can afford.

We raised a pre-seed round. We now have enough funds to build our pitch deck for the seed round

We A/B tested our landing page. Both versions failed.

Our users loved the product… until they realized it wasn’t free.

Our business plan is just 'AI' written 37 times.

95% of our valuation comes from our domain name.

We’re not in stealth mode, just too behind to be seen.

Our KPI is just how many times we say 'synergy' in meetings.

Our exit strategy is getting acquired for our office chairs.

We have an amazing retention. We removed the unsubscribe button.

Our unique selling point is our creative use of Powerpoint effects.

We reached a one billion dollars valuation. In Zimbabwean dollars.

We have 51 microservices, 10 database, 3 domain names. And 2 users.

We have more decks than users.

We pivoted from a failed startup into a podcast about it.

We pivot so often our product has motion sickness.

Our growth hack was changing fonts and praying.

We're building a community of confused users.

Our go-to-market strategy is hope. And prayers.