We were profitable once — in a simulation.

We pivot so often our GPS gave up.

Our users loved the product… until they realized it wasn’t free.

We were cashflow positive until someone asked what that meant.

We spent all our pre-seed on hoodies.

We have a unicorn valuation and hamster execution.

We have 51 microservices, 10 database, 3 domain names. And 2 users.

We're agile: we run in circles, fast.

Our business plan is just 'AI' written 37 times.

Our growth hack was changing fonts and praying.

We're agile, mostly in our ability to find new excuses.

We're building a community of confused users.

After many months of hard work, we finally reached product-market confusion.

95% of our valuation comes from our domain name.

Our founder thinks JavaScript is a coffee order.

Our north star KPI is the percentage of buzzwords in our pitch deck.

We A/B tested our landing page. Both versions failed.

Our exit strategy is getting acquired for our office chairs.

We pivoted so much our AI startup became a lemonade stand.

Our users love us. Both of them.