We have one strikingly growing KPI. Our churn rate.

We got accepted into an accelerator. Now we burn money faster.

We raised a seed round. Now we can afford chairs.

Our MRR stands for 'Mostly Rhetorical Revenue'.

We spent all our pre-seed on hoodies.

We got an acquisition offer! For our domain name.

We A/B tested our landing page. Both versions failed.

We pivoted from a failed startup into a podcast about it.

Our tech debt is so big it now has interests.

We were cashflow positive until someone asked what that meant.

We pivot so often our GPS gave up.

Our founder thinks JavaScript is a coffee order.

Our KPI is just how many times we say 'synergy' in meetings.

Our most active user is a bot we forgot to disable.

We have more decks than users.

We do standups to remember who's still here.

We raised a pre-seed round. We now have enough funds to build our pitch deck for the seed round

We pivot so often our product has motion sickness.

Our users love us. Both of them.

We're agile, mostly in our ability to find new excuses.