We have more decks than users.

Our north star KPI is the percentage of buzzwords in our pitch deck.

We spent 3 months on logo, 3 minutes on product.

We got an acquisition offer! For our domain name.

Our unique selling point is our creative use of Powerpoint effects.

95% of our valuation comes from our domain name.

Our CEO has one superpower. LinkedIn posts.

We have a unicorn valuation and hamster execution.

We're D2C: Desperate to Convert.

Our founder thinks JavaScript is a coffee order.

We do standups to remember who's still here.

Our tech debt is so big it now has interests.

Our business plan is just 'AI' written 37 times.

Our KPI is just how many times we say 'synergy' in meetings.

We outsource everything. Particularly, accountability.

We pivot so often our product has motion sickness.

We pitched to 50 VCs. 52 said no.

We have 14 daily users. And 20 employees...

We raised a seed round. Now we can afford chairs.

We were profitable once — in a simulation.