We pivot so often our product has motion sickness.

We're D2C: Desperate to Convert.

Our founder thinks JavaScript is a coffee order.

We have more funding rounds than customers.

We outsource everything. Particularly, accountability.

We A/B tested our landing page. Both versions failed.

We got an acquisition offer! For our domain name.

Our unique selling point is our creative use of Powerpoint effects.

Our business plan is just 'AI' written 37 times.

We have more decks than users.

Our product solves a problem no one has, at a price no one can afford.

We don’t have users, we have survivors.

Our users loved the product… until they realized it wasn’t free.

We were cashflow positive until someone asked what that meant.

We do standups to remember who's still here.

We have an amazing retention. We removed the unsubscribe button.

Our CEO has one superpower. LinkedIn posts.

Our mothers don't understand any sentence in our pitch deck. Neither does our team.

Our MRR stands for 'Mostly Rhetorical Revenue'.

We spent 3 months on logo, 3 minutes on product.