Our app does one thing well: crash.

We're in pre-pivot stealth beta alpha.

95% of our valuation comes from our domain name.

We pivot so often our product has motion sickness.

We have more funding rounds than customers.

We outsource everything. Particularly, accountability.

Our most active user is a bot we forgot to disable.

Our roadmap is a series of panic attacks with deadlines.

We got an acquisition offer! For our domain name.

We raised a seed round. Now we can afford chairs.

We pivoted so much our AI startup became a lemonade stand.

We pivoted so much that we developed the same product twice.

Our growth hack was changing fonts and praying.

We don’t have users, we have survivors.

We're building a community of confused users.

We're agile: we run in circles, fast.

Our CEO has one superpower. LinkedIn posts.

We were profitable once — in a simulation.

We spent all our pre-seed on hoodies.

We reached a hockey stick growth. Of our AWS costs.