Our unique selling point is our creative use of Powerpoint effects.

Our CEO has one superpower. LinkedIn posts.

Our growth hack was changing fonts and praying.

We have 51 microservices, 10 database, 3 domain names. And 2 users.

We have more funding rounds than customers.

We pivot so often our GPS gave up.

After many months of hard work, we finally reached product-market confusion.

We were cashflow positive until someone asked what that meant.

We’re not in stealth mode, just too behind to be seen.

Our go-to-market strategy is hope. And prayers.

We pitched to 50 VCs. 52 said no.

Our north star KPI is the percentage of buzzwords in our pitch deck.

We pivot so often our product has motion sickness.

Our business plan is just 'AI' written 37 times.

We are fully bootstrapped. Mostly because nobody wants to fund us.

We have a unicorn valuation and hamster execution.

We don’t have users, we have survivors.

We were profitable once — in a simulation.

We're building a community of confused users.

We have an amazing retention. We removed the unsubscribe button.