We have one strikingly growing KPI. Our churn rate.

We pivoted from a failed startup into a podcast about it.

We were profitable once — in a simulation.

We're agile: we run in circles, fast.

Our MRR stands for 'Mostly Rhetorical Revenue'.

We outsource everything. Particularly, accountability.

Our KPI is just how many times we say 'synergy' in meetings.

We reached a one billion dollars valuation. In Zimbabwean dollars.

We have more funding rounds than customers.

We pivot so often our product has motion sickness.

We have more decks than users.

Our product solves a problem no one has, at a price no one can afford.

95% of our valuation comes from our domain name.

Our mothers don't understand any sentence in our pitch deck. Neither does our team.

We found the perfect product-market fit. Our product is inexistent, and so is our market.

Our exit strategy is getting acquired for our office chairs.

We pivoted so much our AI startup became a lemonade stand.

Our growth hack was changing fonts and praying.

We are fully bootstrapped. Mostly because nobody wants to fund us.

We spent all our pre-seed on hoodies.