We outsource everything. Particularly, accountability.

Our MRR stands for 'Mostly Rhetorical Revenue'.

We have 14 daily users. And 20 employees...

We have more decks than users.

Our KPI is just how many times we say 'synergy' in meetings.

We have more funding rounds than customers.

We're in pre-pivot stealth beta alpha.

We were profitable once — in a simulation.

We have 51 microservices, 10 database, 3 domain names. And 2 users.

Our users love us. Both of them.

We pivot so often our GPS gave up.

We spent 3 months on logo, 3 minutes on product.

We pivoted from a failed startup into a podcast about it.

Our product solves a problem no one has, at a price no one can afford.

Our roadmap is a series of panic attacks with deadlines.

Our founder thinks JavaScript is a coffee order.

We reached a hockey stick growth. Of our AWS costs.

We raised a seed round. Now we can afford chairs.

We pitched to 50 VCs. 52 said no.

We A/B tested our landing page. Both versions failed.