Our MRR stands for 'Mostly Rhetorical Revenue'.

After many months of hard work, we finally reached product-market confusion.

Our CEO has one superpower. LinkedIn posts.

Our roadmap is a series of panic attacks with deadlines.

We reached a one billion dollars valuation. In Zimbabwean dollars.

Our growth hack was changing fonts and praying.

Our founder thinks JavaScript is a coffee order.

We do standups to remember who's still here.

We outsource everything. Particularly, accountability.

Our most active user is a bot we forgot to disable.

We raised a pre-seed round. We now have enough funds to build our pitch deck for the seed round

We have more decks than users.

We pitched to 50 VCs. 52 said no.

We were cashflow positive until someone asked what that meant.

We have an amazing retention. We removed the unsubscribe button.

Our KPI is just how many times we say 'synergy' in meetings.

We pivoted so much that we developed the same product twice.

We have a unicorn valuation and hamster execution.

We're agile, mostly in our ability to find new excuses.

Our mothers don't understand any sentence in our pitch deck. Neither does our team.