We got an acquisition offer! For our domain name.

We spent all our pre-seed on hoodies.

We got accepted into an accelerator. Now we burn money faster.

Our users love us. Both of them.

We do standups to remember who's still here.

Our north star KPI is the percentage of buzzwords in our pitch deck.

We have a unicorn valuation and hamster execution.

Our founder thinks JavaScript is a coffee order.

Our roadmap is a series of panic attacks with deadlines.

We have more funding rounds than customers.

Our most active user is a bot we forgot to disable.

We're building a community of confused users.

Our growth hack was changing fonts and praying.

Our mothers don't understand any sentence in our pitch deck. Neither does our team.

We were cashflow positive until someone asked what that meant.

We pivoted so much our AI startup became a lemonade stand.

We A/B tested our landing page. Both versions failed.

We pivot so often our product has motion sickness.

We don’t have users, we have survivors.

We spent 3 months on logo, 3 minutes on product.