We A/B tested our landing page. Both versions failed.

We have a unicorn valuation and hamster execution.

We found the perfect product-market fit. Our product is inexistent, and so is our market.

We raised a pre-seed round. We now have enough funds to build our pitch deck for the seed round

Our north star KPI is the percentage of buzzwords in our pitch deck.

Our users loved the product… until they realized it wasn’t free.

We have more funding rounds than customers.

Our users love us. Both of them.

95% of our valuation comes from our domain name.

We pivot so often our GPS gave up.

Our roadmap is a series of panic attacks with deadlines.

Our founder thinks JavaScript is a coffee order.

Our KPI is just how many times we say 'synergy' in meetings.

Our exit strategy is getting acquired for our office chairs.

We outsource everything. Particularly, accountability.

We reached a one billion dollars valuation. In Zimbabwean dollars.

We’re not in stealth mode, just too behind to be seen.

Our growth hack was changing fonts and praying.

We pivot so often our product has motion sickness.

We spent 3 months on logo, 3 minutes on product.