Our roadmap is a series of panic attacks with deadlines.

Our app does one thing well: crash.

Our most active user is a bot we forgot to disable.

We have one strikingly growing KPI. Our churn rate.

We got accepted into an accelerator. Now we burn money faster.

We do standups to remember who's still here.

Our mothers don't understand any sentence in our pitch deck. Neither does our team.

We have a unicorn valuation and hamster execution.

Our MRR stands for 'Mostly Rhetorical Revenue'.

Our go-to-market strategy is hope. And prayers.

Our exit strategy is getting acquired for our office chairs.

We were cashflow positive until someone asked what that meant.

We raised a seed round. Now we can afford chairs.

We're agile, mostly in our ability to find new excuses.

We're agile: we run in circles, fast.

We pivoted from a failed startup into a podcast about it.

Our growth hack was changing fonts and praying.

95% of our valuation comes from our domain name.

Our business plan is just 'AI' written 37 times.

We pivot so often our product has motion sickness.