We found the perfect product-market fit. Our product is inexistent, and so is our market.

Our exit strategy is getting acquired for our office chairs.

We pivoted from a failed startup into a podcast about it.

We were profitable once — in a simulation.

Our roadmap is a series of panic attacks with deadlines.

We are fully bootstrapped. Mostly because nobody wants to fund us.

Our business plan is just 'AI' written 37 times.

We have one strikingly growing KPI. Our churn rate.

We pivot so often our GPS gave up.

Our product solves a problem no one has, at a price no one can afford.

Our app does one thing well: crash.

Our users love us. Both of them.

95% of our valuation comes from our domain name.

We raised a pre-seed round. We now have enough funds to build our pitch deck for the seed round

We pivoted so much that we developed the same product twice.

Our north star KPI is the percentage of buzzwords in our pitch deck.

We're agile, mostly in our ability to find new excuses.

We don’t have users, we have survivors.

Our unique selling point is our creative use of Powerpoint effects.

Our mothers don't understand any sentence in our pitch deck. Neither does our team.