Our product solves a problem no one has, at a price no one can afford.

Our exit strategy is getting acquired for our office chairs.

Our KPI is just how many times we say 'synergy' in meetings.

We spent all our pre-seed on hoodies.

We don’t have users, we have survivors.

We have more funding rounds than customers.

We're in pre-pivot stealth beta alpha.

We got an acquisition offer! For our domain name.

We have one strikingly growing KPI. Our churn rate.

Our business plan is just 'AI' written 37 times.

95% of our valuation comes from our domain name.

We pitched to 50 VCs. 52 said no.

Our tech debt is so big it now has interests.

We outsource everything. Particularly, accountability.

Our users loved the product… until they realized it wasn’t free.

Our CEO has one superpower. LinkedIn posts.

We're agile, mostly in our ability to find new excuses.

We found the perfect product-market fit. Our product is inexistent, and so is our market.

We are fully bootstrapped. Mostly because nobody wants to fund us.

Our MRR stands for 'Mostly Rhetorical Revenue'.