We got accepted into an accelerator. Now we burn money faster.

Our MRR stands for 'Mostly Rhetorical Revenue'.

We reached a one billion dollars valuation. In Zimbabwean dollars.

We raised a pre-seed round. We now have enough funds to build our pitch deck for the seed round

Our business plan is just 'AI' written 37 times.

We found the perfect product-market fit. Our product is inexistent, and so is our market.

Our users love us. Both of them.

We spent all our pre-seed on hoodies.

We pivoted from a failed startup into a podcast about it.

We have more funding rounds than customers.

We do standups to remember who's still here.

We don’t have users, we have survivors.

We pivot so often our product has motion sickness.

We have one strikingly growing KPI. Our churn rate.

Our CEO has one superpower. LinkedIn posts.

We’re not in stealth mode, just too behind to be seen.

We raised a seed round. Now we can afford chairs.

Our product solves a problem no one has, at a price no one can afford.

Our roadmap is a series of panic attacks with deadlines.

Our unique selling point is our creative use of Powerpoint effects.