We're building a community of confused users.

Our mothers don't understand any sentence in our pitch deck. Neither does our team.

We got an acquisition offer! For our domain name.

Our users loved the product… until they realized it wasn’t free.

Our north star KPI is the percentage of buzzwords in our pitch deck.

Our go-to-market strategy is hope. And prayers.

Our most active user is a bot we forgot to disable.

Our KPI is just how many times we say 'synergy' in meetings.

Our unique selling point is our creative use of Powerpoint effects.

Our growth hack was changing fonts and praying.

We pivot so often our product has motion sickness.

We do standups to remember who's still here.

Our app does one thing well: crash.

We have a unicorn valuation and hamster execution.

Our product solves a problem no one has, at a price no one can afford.

We're D2C: Desperate to Convert.

We were cashflow positive until someone asked what that meant.

Our exit strategy is getting acquired for our office chairs.

We're agile, mostly in our ability to find new excuses.

We have 14 daily users. And 20 employees...