We are fully bootstrapped. Mostly because nobody wants to fund us.

Our roadmap is a series of panic attacks with deadlines.

Our growth hack was changing fonts and praying.

We have a unicorn valuation and hamster execution.

Our business plan is just 'AI' written 37 times.

We found the perfect product-market fit. Our product is inexistent, and so is our market.

We reached a one billion dollars valuation. In Zimbabwean dollars.

Our exit strategy is getting acquired for our office chairs.

Our KPI is just how many times we say 'synergy' in meetings.

We're building a community of confused users.

We pivot so often our product has motion sickness.

We have 14 daily users. And 20 employees...

We were cashflow positive until someone asked what that meant.

We're D2C: Desperate to Convert.

We got an acquisition offer! For our domain name.

Our tech debt is so big it now has interests.

Our founder thinks JavaScript is a coffee order.

We don’t have users, we have survivors.

We pivot so often our product has motion sickness.

Our go-to-market strategy is hope. And prayers.