We have 51 microservices, 10 database, 3 domain names. And 2 users.

Our KPI is just how many times we say 'synergy' in meetings.

We have one strikingly growing KPI. Our churn rate.

Our tech debt is so big it now has interests.

Our growth hack was changing fonts and praying.

We have more decks than users.

We were profitable once — in a simulation.

Our founder thinks JavaScript is a coffee order.

We spent all our pre-seed on hoodies.

Our users love us. Both of them.

We outsource everything. Particularly, accountability.

We pivoted so much our AI startup became a lemonade stand.

Our business plan is just 'AI' written 37 times.

We're building a community of confused users.

95% of our valuation comes from our domain name.

Our go-to-market strategy is hope. And prayers.

We're D2C: Desperate to Convert.

We have an amazing retention. We removed the unsubscribe button.

We're in pre-pivot stealth beta alpha.

We pivoted so much that we developed the same product twice.