Our go-to-market strategy is hope. And prayers.

We're D2C: Desperate to Convert.

Our product solves a problem no one has, at a price no one can afford.

We pivoted so much our AI startup became a lemonade stand.

We raised a seed round. Now we can afford chairs.

We raised a pre-seed round. We now have enough funds to build our pitch deck for the seed round

We reached a one billion dollars valuation. In Zimbabwean dollars.

Our growth hack was changing fonts and praying.

We have more decks than users.

After many months of hard work, we finally reached product-market confusion.

Our mothers don't understand any sentence in our pitch deck. Neither does our team.

Our roadmap is a series of panic attacks with deadlines.

Our founder thinks JavaScript is a coffee order.

We pivoted so much that we developed the same product twice.

Our north star KPI is the percentage of buzzwords in our pitch deck.

95% of our valuation comes from our domain name.

We have an amazing retention. We removed the unsubscribe button.

Our users loved the product… until they realized it wasn’t free.

We have a unicorn valuation and hamster execution.

We pivoted from a failed startup into a podcast about it.