Our exit strategy is getting acquired for our office chairs.

We have one strikingly growing KPI. Our churn rate.

Our CEO has one superpower. LinkedIn posts.

We reached a hockey stick growth. Of our AWS costs.

We are fully bootstrapped. Mostly because nobody wants to fund us.

Our founder thinks JavaScript is a coffee order.

Our go-to-market strategy is hope. And prayers.

After many months of hard work, we finally reached product-market confusion.

We're agile, mostly in our ability to find new excuses.

We pivot so often our product has motion sickness.

We pivot so often our product has motion sickness.

We have a unicorn valuation and hamster execution.

We raised a seed round. Now we can afford chairs.

We got an acquisition offer! For our domain name.

We're D2C: Desperate to Convert.

We have 51 microservices, 10 database, 3 domain names. And 2 users.

Our unique selling point is our creative use of Powerpoint effects.

We pitched to 50 VCs. 52 said no.

We got accepted into an accelerator. Now we burn money faster.

Our app does one thing well: crash.