We have 14 daily users. And 20 employees...

Our users love us. Both of them.

We have more funding rounds than customers.

We were profitable once — in a simulation.

We pivoted so much our AI startup became a lemonade stand.

Our users loved the product… until they realized it wasn’t free.

Our MRR stands for 'Mostly Rhetorical Revenue'.

We A/B tested our landing page. Both versions failed.

We pitched to 50 VCs. 52 said no.

Our go-to-market strategy is hope. And prayers.

We have one strikingly growing KPI. Our churn rate.

We pivot so often our GPS gave up.

Our most active user is a bot we forgot to disable.

95% of our valuation comes from our domain name.

Our app does one thing well: crash.

We have 51 microservices, 10 database, 3 domain names. And 2 users.

Our product solves a problem no one has, at a price no one can afford.

Our founder thinks JavaScript is a coffee order.

We pivoted so much that we developed the same product twice.

Our tech debt is so big it now has interests.