Our mothers don't understand any sentence in our pitch deck. Neither does our team.

We have 14 daily users. And 20 employees...

We are fully bootstrapped. Mostly because nobody wants to fund us.

We spent 3 months on logo, 3 minutes on product.

Our exit strategy is getting acquired for our office chairs.

Our tech debt is so big it now has interests.

We raised a seed round. Now we can afford chairs.

We A/B tested our landing page. Both versions failed.

Our product solves a problem no one has, at a price no one can afford.

We have more funding rounds than customers.

We're D2C: Desperate to Convert.

We outsource everything. Particularly, accountability.

We have a unicorn valuation and hamster execution.

Our MRR stands for 'Mostly Rhetorical Revenue'.

Our founder thinks JavaScript is a coffee order.

We were cashflow positive until someone asked what that meant.

Our unique selling point is our creative use of Powerpoint effects.

We have more decks than users.

We're building a community of confused users.

Our go-to-market strategy is hope. And prayers.