Our go-to-market strategy is hope. And prayers.

Our growth hack was changing fonts and praying.

We pivoted from a failed startup into a podcast about it.

Our north star KPI is the percentage of buzzwords in our pitch deck.

After many months of hard work, we finally reached product-market confusion.

Our KPI is just how many times we say 'synergy' in meetings.

We have more funding rounds than customers.

Our app does one thing well: crash.

We found the perfect product-market fit. Our product is inexistent, and so is our market.

Our MRR stands for 'Mostly Rhetorical Revenue'.

Our users love us. Both of them.

We're agile, mostly in our ability to find new excuses.

We have a unicorn valuation and hamster execution.

We have an amazing retention. We removed the unsubscribe button.

We're agile: we run in circles, fast.

We pivot so often our product has motion sickness.

We pivot so often our product has motion sickness.

We are fully bootstrapped. Mostly because nobody wants to fund us.

Our product solves a problem no one has, at a price no one can afford.

We're in pre-pivot stealth beta alpha.