Our growth hack was changing fonts and praying.

We outsource everything. Particularly, accountability.

We're agile, mostly in our ability to find new excuses.

We have a unicorn valuation and hamster execution.

Our KPI is just how many times we say 'synergy' in meetings.

We're agile: we run in circles, fast.

Our CEO has one superpower. LinkedIn posts.

95% of our valuation comes from our domain name.

Our go-to-market strategy is hope. And prayers.

Our unique selling point is our creative use of Powerpoint effects.

We pivoted from a failed startup into a podcast about it.

Our MRR stands for 'Mostly Rhetorical Revenue'.

We A/B tested our landing page. Both versions failed.

We have 14 daily users. And 20 employees...

We're in pre-pivot stealth beta alpha.

We pivoted so much our AI startup became a lemonade stand.

Our product solves a problem no one has, at a price no one can afford.

We're building a community of confused users.

We're D2C: Desperate to Convert.

We pivot so often our GPS gave up.