Our founder thinks JavaScript is a coffee order.

We have 51 microservices, 10 database, 3 domain names. And 2 users.

We have more funding rounds than customers.

We reached a hockey stick growth. Of our AWS costs.

Our product solves a problem no one has, at a price no one can afford.

We're in pre-pivot stealth beta alpha.

Our users love us. Both of them.

Our business plan is just 'AI' written 37 times.

Our KPI is just how many times we say 'synergy' in meetings.

We raised a seed round. Now we can afford chairs.

We pitched to 50 VCs. 52 said no.

Our exit strategy is getting acquired for our office chairs.

We are fully bootstrapped. Mostly because nobody wants to fund us.

We spent all our pre-seed on hoodies.

We pivoted so much our AI startup became a lemonade stand.

Our most active user is a bot we forgot to disable.

Our app does one thing well: crash.

Our roadmap is a series of panic attacks with deadlines.

We're building a community of confused users.

We have one strikingly growing KPI. Our churn rate.