We have more decks than users.

We have 51 microservices, 10 database, 3 domain names. And 2 users.

Our mothers don't understand any sentence in our pitch deck. Neither does our team.

Our unique selling point is our creative use of Powerpoint effects.

We were cashflow positive until someone asked what that meant.

Our founder thinks JavaScript is a coffee order.

We pivot so often our GPS gave up.

We pivoted so much our AI startup became a lemonade stand.

We’re not in stealth mode, just too behind to be seen.

Our business plan is just 'AI' written 37 times.

We raised a seed round. Now we can afford chairs.

We have a unicorn valuation and hamster execution.

Our MRR stands for 'Mostly Rhetorical Revenue'.

We reached a one billion dollars valuation. In Zimbabwean dollars.

We got accepted into an accelerator. Now we burn money faster.

Our app does one thing well: crash.

We pivot so often our product has motion sickness.

We have 14 daily users. And 20 employees...

We pitched to 50 VCs. 52 said no.

We have an amazing retention. We removed the unsubscribe button.