We pivot so often our product has motion sickness.

We have a unicorn valuation and hamster execution.

We are fully bootstrapped. Mostly because nobody wants to fund us.

We outsource everything. Particularly, accountability.

We're agile: we run in circles, fast.

Our roadmap is a series of panic attacks with deadlines.

We pivoted so much that we developed the same product twice.

We have more decks than users.

Our MRR stands for 'Mostly Rhetorical Revenue'.

We do standups to remember who's still here.

We were cashflow positive until someone asked what that meant.

We A/B tested our landing page. Both versions failed.

We found the perfect product-market fit. Our product is inexistent, and so is our market.

Our users loved the product… until they realized it wasn’t free.

Our most active user is a bot we forgot to disable.

We reached a one billion dollars valuation. In Zimbabwean dollars.

We have 14 daily users. And 20 employees...

Our growth hack was changing fonts and praying.

We were profitable once — in a simulation.

Our app does one thing well: crash.