We spent 3 months on logo, 3 minutes on product.

Our KPI is just how many times we say 'synergy' in meetings.

Our mothers don't understand any sentence in our pitch deck. Neither does our team.

Our product solves a problem no one has, at a price no one can afford.

We pivot so often our product has motion sickness.

Our north star KPI is the percentage of buzzwords in our pitch deck.

We pivoted so much our AI startup became a lemonade stand.

We have more decks than users.

We were cashflow positive until someone asked what that meant.

Our tech debt is so big it now has interests.

We raised a seed round. Now we can afford chairs.

We're agile, mostly in our ability to find new excuses.

Our most active user is a bot we forgot to disable.

We pivoted from a failed startup into a podcast about it.

We got accepted into an accelerator. Now we burn money faster.

We're building a community of confused users.

We reached a one billion dollars valuation. In Zimbabwean dollars.

We found the perfect product-market fit. Our product is inexistent, and so is our market.

We got an acquisition offer! For our domain name.

Our users love us. Both of them.