We're in pre-pivot stealth beta alpha.

We got accepted into an accelerator. Now we burn money faster.

Our app does one thing well: crash.

We're D2C: Desperate to Convert.

We have one strikingly growing KPI. Our churn rate.

We have an amazing retention. We removed the unsubscribe button.

We outsource everything. Particularly, accountability.

Our unique selling point is our creative use of Powerpoint effects.

We spent all our pre-seed on hoodies.

Our growth hack was changing fonts and praying.

Our users love us. Both of them.

We're agile: we run in circles, fast.

Our founder thinks JavaScript is a coffee order.

Our product solves a problem no one has, at a price no one can afford.

We have 14 daily users. And 20 employees...

Our mothers don't understand any sentence in our pitch deck. Neither does our team.

Our go-to-market strategy is hope. And prayers.

We're agile, mostly in our ability to find new excuses.

Our CEO has one superpower. LinkedIn posts.

We pivot so often our GPS gave up.