We have a unicorn valuation and hamster execution.

Our go-to-market strategy is hope. And prayers.

We're in pre-pivot stealth beta alpha.

We pitched to 50 VCs. 52 said no.

We're agile, mostly in our ability to find new excuses.

Our unique selling point is our creative use of Powerpoint effects.

After many months of hard work, we finally reached product-market confusion.

We A/B tested our landing page. Both versions failed.

We got accepted into an accelerator. Now we burn money faster.

95% of our valuation comes from our domain name.

We outsource everything. Particularly, accountability.

Our KPI is just how many times we say 'synergy' in meetings.

We pivoted so much that we developed the same product twice.

Our app does one thing well: crash.

Our mothers don't understand any sentence in our pitch deck. Neither does our team.

We don’t have users, we have survivors.

Our MRR stands for 'Mostly Rhetorical Revenue'.

Our business plan is just 'AI' written 37 times.

Our tech debt is so big it now has interests.

We pivot so often our GPS gave up.