We have 14 daily users. And 20 employees...

Our founder thinks JavaScript is a coffee order.

Our business plan is just 'AI' written 37 times.

95% of our valuation comes from our domain name.

We’re not in stealth mode, just too behind to be seen.

We raised a seed round. Now we can afford chairs.

We do standups to remember who's still here.

Our roadmap is a series of panic attacks with deadlines.

Our users love us. Both of them.

We pivoted from a failed startup into a podcast about it.

We have more funding rounds than customers.

Our north star KPI is the percentage of buzzwords in our pitch deck.

We reached a hockey stick growth. Of our AWS costs.

We got accepted into an accelerator. Now we burn money faster.

Our growth hack was changing fonts and praying.

We outsource everything. Particularly, accountability.

We got an acquisition offer! For our domain name.

We have more decks than users.

Our exit strategy is getting acquired for our office chairs.

We spent all our pre-seed on hoodies.