Our CEO has one superpower. LinkedIn posts.

We're in pre-pivot stealth beta alpha.

Our KPI is just how many times we say 'synergy' in meetings.

We have more funding rounds than customers.

We were cashflow positive until someone asked what that meant.

Our most active user is a bot we forgot to disable.

We have more decks than users.

We spent all our pre-seed on hoodies.

We're agile: we run in circles, fast.

We have one strikingly growing KPI. Our churn rate.

Our users love us. Both of them.

Our growth hack was changing fonts and praying.

Our go-to-market strategy is hope. And prayers.

Our founder thinks JavaScript is a coffee order.

We reached a hockey stick growth. Of our AWS costs.

We got an acquisition offer! For our domain name.

We have 14 daily users. And 20 employees...

We're D2C: Desperate to Convert.

We pitched to 50 VCs. 52 said no.

We're agile, mostly in our ability to find new excuses.