Our exit strategy is getting acquired for our office chairs.

We pitched to 50 VCs. 52 said no.

We pivot so often our product has motion sickness.

We pivot so often our GPS gave up.

We're building a community of confused users.

We A/B tested our landing page. Both versions failed.

We're agile, mostly in our ability to find new excuses.

We're agile: we run in circles, fast.

We reached a one billion dollars valuation. In Zimbabwean dollars.

We were profitable once — in a simulation.

Our KPI is just how many times we say 'synergy' in meetings.

We do standups to remember who's still here.

Our go-to-market strategy is hope. And prayers.

Our tech debt is so big it now has interests.

We are fully bootstrapped. Mostly because nobody wants to fund us.

We spent 3 months on logo, 3 minutes on product.

Our founder thinks JavaScript is a coffee order.

Our growth hack was changing fonts and praying.

After many months of hard work, we finally reached product-market confusion.

We pivot so often our product has motion sickness.