We're agile: we run in circles, fast.

Our founder thinks JavaScript is a coffee order.

We found the perfect product-market fit. Our product is inexistent, and so is our market.

We're in pre-pivot stealth beta alpha.

We’re not in stealth mode, just too behind to be seen.

95% of our valuation comes from our domain name.

We do standups to remember who's still here.

We reached a hockey stick growth. Of our AWS costs.

We were cashflow positive until someone asked what that meant.

Our north star KPI is the percentage of buzzwords in our pitch deck.

Our mothers don't understand any sentence in our pitch deck. Neither does our team.

We pivoted so much that we developed the same product twice.

Our most active user is a bot we forgot to disable.

We have a unicorn valuation and hamster execution.

We don’t have users, we have survivors.

Our CEO has one superpower. LinkedIn posts.

Our roadmap is a series of panic attacks with deadlines.

We have more funding rounds than customers.

We have 14 daily users. And 20 employees...

We raised a pre-seed round. We now have enough funds to build our pitch deck for the seed round