Our users loved the product… until they realized it wasn’t free.

Our most active user is a bot we forgot to disable.

Our exit strategy is getting acquired for our office chairs.

95% of our valuation comes from our domain name.

Our unique selling point is our creative use of Powerpoint effects.

We're in pre-pivot stealth beta alpha.

We reached a one billion dollars valuation. In Zimbabwean dollars.

We pivot so often our product has motion sickness.

We're building a community of confused users.

Our tech debt is so big it now has interests.

We don’t have users, we have survivors.

We have more funding rounds than customers.

We reached a hockey stick growth. Of our AWS costs.

We got an acquisition offer! For our domain name.

We pivoted from a failed startup into a podcast about it.

Our app does one thing well: crash.

Our founder thinks JavaScript is a coffee order.

We pivot so often our GPS gave up.

Our north star KPI is the percentage of buzzwords in our pitch deck.

We got accepted into an accelerator. Now we burn money faster.