We're agile: we run in circles, fast.

Our roadmap is a series of panic attacks with deadlines.

We got an acquisition offer! For our domain name.

We spent 3 months on logo, 3 minutes on product.

We reached a one billion dollars valuation. In Zimbabwean dollars.

We have 14 daily users. And 20 employees...

We pivoted so much that we developed the same product twice.

Our unique selling point is our creative use of Powerpoint effects.

We got accepted into an accelerator. Now we burn money faster.

We reached a hockey stick growth. Of our AWS costs.

Our growth hack was changing fonts and praying.

We were profitable once — in a simulation.

95% of our valuation comes from our domain name.

Our MRR stands for 'Mostly Rhetorical Revenue'.

We pitched to 50 VCs. 52 said no.

Our exit strategy is getting acquired for our office chairs.

We have one strikingly growing KPI. Our churn rate.

Our users loved the product… until they realized it wasn’t free.

We pivot so often our product has motion sickness.

We were cashflow positive until someone asked what that meant.