We pivot so often our product has motion sickness.

Our users love us. Both of them.

We were profitable once — in a simulation.

We're agile: we run in circles, fast.

We have one strikingly growing KPI. Our churn rate.

We're agile, mostly in our ability to find new excuses.

We do standups to remember who's still here.

Our business plan is just 'AI' written 37 times.

We pivoted so much that we developed the same product twice.

We reached a hockey stick growth. Of our AWS costs.

We have an amazing retention. We removed the unsubscribe button.

Our tech debt is so big it now has interests.

Our roadmap is a series of panic attacks with deadlines.

We're in pre-pivot stealth beta alpha.

We got an acquisition offer! For our domain name.

We have more decks than users.

We don’t have users, we have survivors.

Our exit strategy is getting acquired for our office chairs.

Our users loved the product… until they realized it wasn’t free.

Our MRR stands for 'Mostly Rhetorical Revenue'.