We were cashflow positive until someone asked what that meant.

Our tech debt is so big it now has interests.

We're agile: we run in circles, fast.

We have one strikingly growing KPI. Our churn rate.

Our unique selling point is our creative use of Powerpoint effects.

We do standups to remember who's still here.

We have a unicorn valuation and hamster execution.

We reached a one billion dollars valuation. In Zimbabwean dollars.

Our CEO has one superpower. LinkedIn posts.

Our most active user is a bot we forgot to disable.

We outsource everything. Particularly, accountability.

Our north star KPI is the percentage of buzzwords in our pitch deck.

We're agile, mostly in our ability to find new excuses.

We raised a seed round. Now we can afford chairs.

We have 51 microservices, 10 database, 3 domain names. And 2 users.

We got accepted into an accelerator. Now we burn money faster.

We pivoted from a failed startup into a podcast about it.

We pivot so often our GPS gave up.

We got an acquisition offer! For our domain name.

We pivoted so much that we developed the same product twice.