We outsource everything. Particularly, accountability.

Our app does one thing well: crash.

We spent all our pre-seed on hoodies.

We pivot so often our product has motion sickness.

We A/B tested our landing page. Both versions failed.

Our CEO has one superpower. LinkedIn posts.

Our KPI is just how many times we say 'synergy' in meetings.

We raised a seed round. Now we can afford chairs.

Our MRR stands for 'Mostly Rhetorical Revenue'.

We were cashflow positive until someone asked what that meant.

We pivoted so much that we developed the same product twice.

We pivot so often our GPS gave up.

We have one strikingly growing KPI. Our churn rate.

We pitched to 50 VCs. 52 said no.

We’re not in stealth mode, just too behind to be seen.

Our business plan is just 'AI' written 37 times.

We pivot so often our product has motion sickness.

Our north star KPI is the percentage of buzzwords in our pitch deck.

We have an amazing retention. We removed the unsubscribe button.

We have 51 microservices, 10 database, 3 domain names. And 2 users.