We are fully bootstrapped. Mostly because nobody wants to fund us.

We spent 3 months on logo, 3 minutes on product.

We have one strikingly growing KPI. Our churn rate.

We raised a seed round. Now we can afford chairs.

We found the perfect product-market fit. Our product is inexistent, and so is our market.

We reached a one billion dollars valuation. In Zimbabwean dollars.

We do standups to remember who's still here.

We A/B tested our landing page. Both versions failed.

Our mothers don't understand any sentence in our pitch deck. Neither does our team.

95% of our valuation comes from our domain name.

We outsource everything. Particularly, accountability.

We got accepted into an accelerator. Now we burn money faster.

We pivot so often our product has motion sickness.

Our MRR stands for 'Mostly Rhetorical Revenue'.

We pivoted so much our AI startup became a lemonade stand.

Our founder thinks JavaScript is a coffee order.

We don’t have users, we have survivors.

We're agile, mostly in our ability to find new excuses.

Our app does one thing well: crash.

Our roadmap is a series of panic attacks with deadlines.