Our mothers don't understand any sentence in our pitch deck. Neither does our team.

We have a unicorn valuation and hamster execution.

We pivot so often our product has motion sickness.

We have more decks than users.

We pitched to 50 VCs. 52 said no.

Our users loved the product… until they realized it wasn’t free.

We're in pre-pivot stealth beta alpha.

We outsource everything. Particularly, accountability.

Our go-to-market strategy is hope. And prayers.

We spent 3 months on logo, 3 minutes on product.

We found the perfect product-market fit. Our product is inexistent, and so is our market.

We have 14 daily users. And 20 employees...

Our app does one thing well: crash.

We're agile, mostly in our ability to find new excuses.

Our founder thinks JavaScript is a coffee order.

We reached a hockey stick growth. Of our AWS costs.

We're building a community of confused users.

Our KPI is just how many times we say 'synergy' in meetings.

Our north star KPI is the percentage of buzzwords in our pitch deck.

We pivoted so much our AI startup became a lemonade stand.