We got an acquisition offer! For our domain name.

We are fully bootstrapped. Mostly because nobody wants to fund us.

We A/B tested our landing page. Both versions failed.

We're D2C: Desperate to Convert.

We're agile, mostly in our ability to find new excuses.

Our users love us. Both of them.

Our CEO has one superpower. LinkedIn posts.

We reached a one billion dollars valuation. In Zimbabwean dollars.

We got accepted into an accelerator. Now we burn money faster.

We have 51 microservices, 10 database, 3 domain names. And 2 users.

We pitched to 50 VCs. 52 said no.

We pivot so often our product has motion sickness.

Our KPI is just how many times we say 'synergy' in meetings.

We're in pre-pivot stealth beta alpha.

We're agile: we run in circles, fast.

We have a unicorn valuation and hamster execution.

Our MRR stands for 'Mostly Rhetorical Revenue'.

Our founder thinks JavaScript is a coffee order.

We’re not in stealth mode, just too behind to be seen.

We were profitable once — in a simulation.