We're agile: we run in circles, fast.

We have an amazing retention. We removed the unsubscribe button.

We were cashflow positive until someone asked what that meant.

We have a unicorn valuation and hamster execution.

We A/B tested our landing page. Both versions failed.

We pivot so often our GPS gave up.

We pitched to 50 VCs. 52 said no.

Our app does one thing well: crash.

Our mothers don't understand any sentence in our pitch deck. Neither does our team.

Our most active user is a bot we forgot to disable.

Our KPI is just how many times we say 'synergy' in meetings.

We pivoted from a failed startup into a podcast about it.

We have 14 daily users. And 20 employees...

Our product solves a problem no one has, at a price no one can afford.

We spent 3 months on logo, 3 minutes on product.

We have more decks than users.

We reached a hockey stick growth. Of our AWS costs.

We found the perfect product-market fit. Our product is inexistent, and so is our market.

We raised a pre-seed round. We now have enough funds to build our pitch deck for the seed round

We are fully bootstrapped. Mostly because nobody wants to fund us.