We got accepted into an accelerator. Now we burn money faster.

Our app does one thing well: crash.

Our founder thinks JavaScript is a coffee order.

We are fully bootstrapped. Mostly because nobody wants to fund us.

We're agile, mostly in our ability to find new excuses.

We raised a seed round. Now we can afford chairs.

Our MRR stands for 'Mostly Rhetorical Revenue'.

Our exit strategy is getting acquired for our office chairs.

We pivot so often our GPS gave up.

We have 51 microservices, 10 database, 3 domain names. And 2 users.

Our CEO has one superpower. LinkedIn posts.

We pivoted from a failed startup into a podcast about it.

We spent all our pre-seed on hoodies.

We pivot so often our product has motion sickness.

Our go-to-market strategy is hope. And prayers.

Our north star KPI is the percentage of buzzwords in our pitch deck.

Our KPI is just how many times we say 'synergy' in meetings.

We're agile: we run in circles, fast.

We got an acquisition offer! For our domain name.

We outsource everything. Particularly, accountability.