We do standups to remember who's still here.

We spent 3 months on logo, 3 minutes on product.

We have one strikingly growing KPI. Our churn rate.

Our KPI is just how many times we say 'synergy' in meetings.

Our mothers don't understand any sentence in our pitch deck. Neither does our team.

We're agile: we run in circles, fast.

We pitched to 50 VCs. 52 said no.

Our users love us. Both of them.

We pivoted so much that we developed the same product twice.

We reached a hockey stick growth. Of our AWS costs.

We were profitable once — in a simulation.

Our unique selling point is our creative use of Powerpoint effects.

We have 14 daily users. And 20 employees...

We're D2C: Desperate to Convert.

We're building a community of confused users.

We were cashflow positive until someone asked what that meant.

We outsource everything. Particularly, accountability.

Our roadmap is a series of panic attacks with deadlines.

Our CEO has one superpower. LinkedIn posts.

We raised a pre-seed round. We now have enough funds to build our pitch deck for the seed round