Our MRR stands for 'Mostly Rhetorical Revenue'.

We’re not in stealth mode, just too behind to be seen.

Our product solves a problem no one has, at a price no one can afford.

Our north star KPI is the percentage of buzzwords in our pitch deck.

We're building a community of confused users.

Our go-to-market strategy is hope. And prayers.

Our tech debt is so big it now has interests.

After many months of hard work, we finally reached product-market confusion.

Our app does one thing well: crash.

Our roadmap is a series of panic attacks with deadlines.

Our KPI is just how many times we say 'synergy' in meetings.

We have 51 microservices, 10 database, 3 domain names. And 2 users.

Our growth hack was changing fonts and praying.

We outsource everything. Particularly, accountability.

We are fully bootstrapped. Mostly because nobody wants to fund us.

We have a unicorn valuation and hamster execution.

Our exit strategy is getting acquired for our office chairs.

Our founder thinks JavaScript is a coffee order.

We A/B tested our landing page. Both versions failed.

Our users love us. Both of them.