We have a unicorn valuation and hamster execution.

We don’t have users, we have survivors.

Our founder thinks JavaScript is a coffee order.

After many months of hard work, we finally reached product-market confusion.

Our exit strategy is getting acquired for our office chairs.

Our product solves a problem no one has, at a price no one can afford.

We A/B tested our landing page. Both versions failed.

Our MRR stands for 'Mostly Rhetorical Revenue'.

We pitched to 50 VCs. 52 said no.

We raised a seed round. Now we can afford chairs.

Our mothers don't understand any sentence in our pitch deck. Neither does our team.

We reached a one billion dollars valuation. In Zimbabwean dollars.

We pivoted from a failed startup into a podcast about it.

Our users loved the product… until they realized it wasn’t free.

We're building a community of confused users.

Our users love us. Both of them.

We pivot so often our product has motion sickness.

We have 14 daily users. And 20 employees...

We pivot so often our GPS gave up.

We have more funding rounds than customers.