Our business plan is just 'AI' written 37 times.

We're agile: we run in circles, fast.

Our north star KPI is the percentage of buzzwords in our pitch deck.

We're agile, mostly in our ability to find new excuses.

Our founder thinks JavaScript is a coffee order.

Our MRR stands for 'Mostly Rhetorical Revenue'.

We’re not in stealth mode, just too behind to be seen.

We outsource everything. Particularly, accountability.

We're D2C: Desperate to Convert.

We got accepted into an accelerator. Now we burn money faster.

We were cashflow positive until someone asked what that meant.

We pivoted so much our AI startup became a lemonade stand.

We spent all our pre-seed on hoodies.

We pivot so often our product has motion sickness.

Our tech debt is so big it now has interests.

We reached a hockey stick growth. Of our AWS costs.

We have 51 microservices, 10 database, 3 domain names. And 2 users.

We raised a seed round. Now we can afford chairs.

Our mothers don't understand any sentence in our pitch deck. Neither does our team.

We are fully bootstrapped. Mostly because nobody wants to fund us.