We raised a pre-seed round. We now have enough funds to build our pitch deck for the seed round

We're D2C: Desperate to Convert.

Our KPI is just how many times we say 'synergy' in meetings.

Our users loved the product… until they realized it wasn’t free.

We have 14 daily users. And 20 employees...

We're in pre-pivot stealth beta alpha.

We pitched to 50 VCs. 52 said no.

We were cashflow positive until someone asked what that meant.

Our growth hack was changing fonts and praying.

We A/B tested our landing page. Both versions failed.

We're building a community of confused users.

We're agile, mostly in our ability to find new excuses.

We don’t have users, we have survivors.

Our business plan is just 'AI' written 37 times.

We outsource everything. Particularly, accountability.

We pivot so often our product has motion sickness.

We were profitable once — in a simulation.

Our product solves a problem no one has, at a price no one can afford.

Our MRR stands for 'Mostly Rhetorical Revenue'.

Our go-to-market strategy is hope. And prayers.