We got accepted into an accelerator. Now we burn money faster.

Our mothers don't understand any sentence in our pitch deck. Neither does our team.

Our product solves a problem no one has, at a price no one can afford.

We have 14 daily users. And 20 employees...

We spent 3 months on logo, 3 minutes on product.

We reached a one billion dollars valuation. In Zimbabwean dollars.

We don’t have users, we have survivors.

Our go-to-market strategy is hope. And prayers.

Our users loved the product… until they realized it wasn’t free.

We have more funding rounds than customers.

We A/B tested our landing page. Both versions failed.

We outsource everything. Particularly, accountability.

We raised a seed round. Now we can afford chairs.

Our north star KPI is the percentage of buzzwords in our pitch deck.

We pivoted from a failed startup into a podcast about it.

We're agile, mostly in our ability to find new excuses.

We pitched to 50 VCs. 52 said no.

We have 51 microservices, 10 database, 3 domain names. And 2 users.

Our exit strategy is getting acquired for our office chairs.

We're in pre-pivot stealth beta alpha.