Our app does one thing well: crash.

We reached a hockey stick growth. Of our AWS costs.

We don’t have users, we have survivors.

We found the perfect product-market fit. Our product is inexistent, and so is our market.

We outsource everything. Particularly, accountability.

Our exit strategy is getting acquired for our office chairs.

We’re not in stealth mode, just too behind to be seen.

We have more funding rounds than customers.

After many months of hard work, we finally reached product-market confusion.

Our roadmap is a series of panic attacks with deadlines.

We do standups to remember who's still here.

Our growth hack was changing fonts and praying.

95% of our valuation comes from our domain name.

Our users loved the product… until they realized it wasn’t free.

Our founder thinks JavaScript is a coffee order.

We're building a community of confused users.

We have a unicorn valuation and hamster execution.

We pivot so often our product has motion sickness.

We A/B tested our landing page. Both versions failed.

We're in pre-pivot stealth beta alpha.