We spent 3 months on logo, 3 minutes on product.

We have more funding rounds than customers.

We're D2C: Desperate to Convert.

We pivot so often our product has motion sickness.

We're in pre-pivot stealth beta alpha.

We found the perfect product-market fit. Our product is inexistent, and so is our market.

Our roadmap is a series of panic attacks with deadlines.

Our go-to-market strategy is hope. And prayers.

We don’t have users, we have survivors.

Our users loved the product… until they realized it wasn’t free.

We pivot so often our GPS gave up.

Our app does one thing well: crash.

We reached a one billion dollars valuation. In Zimbabwean dollars.

We pivoted so much our AI startup became a lemonade stand.

We're agile: we run in circles, fast.

We raised a seed round. Now we can afford chairs.

We raised a pre-seed round. We now have enough funds to build our pitch deck for the seed round

We're building a community of confused users.

95% of our valuation comes from our domain name.

Our product solves a problem no one has, at a price no one can afford.