We were cashflow positive until someone asked what that meant.
Our founder thinks JavaScript is a coffee order.
We're agile: we run in circles, fast.
95% of our valuation comes from our domain name.
Our product solves a problem no one has, at a price no one can afford.
After many months of hard work, we finally reached product-market confusion.
We outsource everything. Particularly, accountability.
We have more decks than users.
Our mothers don't understand any sentence in our pitch deck. Neither does our team.
Our users love us. Both of them.
Our roadmap is a series of panic attacks with deadlines.
We pivoted so much our AI startup became a lemonade stand.
Our MRR stands for 'Mostly Rhetorical Revenue'.
Our app does one thing well: crash.
We raised a seed round. Now we can afford chairs.
We pivot so often our product has motion sickness.
Our KPI is just how many times we say 'synergy' in meetings.
Our unique selling point is our creative use of Powerpoint effects.
We raised a pre-seed round. We now have enough funds to build our pitch deck for the seed round
We do standups to remember who's still here.
Startup Life
Startup life is hard. Let's laugh about it while we still have some runway.
