We spent 3 months on logo, 3 minutes on product.

Our mothers don't understand any sentence in our pitch deck. Neither does our team.

We reached a hockey stick growth. Of our AWS costs.

We reached a one billion dollars valuation. In Zimbabwean dollars.

Our product solves a problem no one has, at a price no one can afford.

We got accepted into an accelerator. Now we burn money faster.

We spent all our pre-seed on hoodies.

We’re not in stealth mode, just too behind to be seen.

We have 14 daily users. And 20 employees...

Our users love us. Both of them.

We got an acquisition offer! For our domain name.

We have 51 microservices, 10 database, 3 domain names. And 2 users.

We pivoted so much that we developed the same product twice.

95% of our valuation comes from our domain name.

We found the perfect product-market fit. Our product is inexistent, and so is our market.

We are fully bootstrapped. Mostly because nobody wants to fund us.

Our go-to-market strategy is hope. And prayers.

We raised a seed round. Now we can afford chairs.

We're agile, mostly in our ability to find new excuses.

Our CEO has one superpower. LinkedIn posts.