We got accepted into an accelerator. Now we burn money faster.

Our most active user is a bot we forgot to disable.

We're building a community of confused users.

We're agile: we run in circles, fast.

We have more decks than users.

We were cashflow positive until someone asked what that meant.

Our unique selling point is our creative use of Powerpoint effects.

Our go-to-market strategy is hope. And prayers.

We are fully bootstrapped. Mostly because nobody wants to fund us.

We don’t have users, we have survivors.

We're agile, mostly in our ability to find new excuses.

We pivoted so much that we developed the same product twice.

Our north star KPI is the percentage of buzzwords in our pitch deck.

We have an amazing retention. We removed the unsubscribe button.

Our tech debt is so big it now has interests.

We pivoted from a failed startup into a podcast about it.

We have more funding rounds than customers.

We spent all our pre-seed on hoodies.

95% of our valuation comes from our domain name.

Our MRR stands for 'Mostly Rhetorical Revenue'.