Our most active user is a bot we forgot to disable.

We were profitable once — in a simulation.

We pivoted from a failed startup into a podcast about it.

Our app does one thing well: crash.

We don’t have users, we have survivors.

After many months of hard work, we finally reached product-market confusion.

We have one strikingly growing KPI. Our churn rate.

We're agile: we run in circles, fast.

We reached a hockey stick growth. Of our AWS costs.

We outsource everything. Particularly, accountability.

We have 14 daily users. And 20 employees...

We pivot so often our product has motion sickness.

We A/B tested our landing page. Both versions failed.

Our growth hack was changing fonts and praying.

We found the perfect product-market fit. Our product is inexistent, and so is our market.