We pitched to 50 VCs. 52 said no.

We pivoted so much that we developed the same product twice.

We do standups to remember who's still here.

Our MRR stands for 'Mostly Rhetorical Revenue'.

We are fully bootstrapped. Mostly because nobody wants to fund us.

We pivoted so much our AI startup became a lemonade stand.

Our unique selling point is our creative use of Powerpoint effects.

Our north star KPI is the percentage of buzzwords in our pitch deck.

Our mothers don't understand any sentence in our pitch deck. Neither does our team.

We have an amazing retention. We removed the unsubscribe button.

Our tech debt is so big it now has interests.

We have a unicorn valuation and hamster execution.

We reached a one billion dollars valuation. In Zimbabwean dollars.

We’re not in stealth mode, just too behind to be seen.

Our founder thinks JavaScript is a coffee order.

We're D2C: Desperate to Convert.

We have more funding rounds than customers.

We spent 3 months on logo, 3 minutes on product.

We're building a community of confused users.

We're in pre-pivot stealth beta alpha.