We pivot so often our GPS gave up.

We have 14 daily users. And 20 employees...

Our tech debt is so big it now has interests.

We have a unicorn valuation and hamster execution.

We found the perfect product-market fit. Our product is inexistent, and so is our market.

Our go-to-market strategy is hope. And prayers.

We raised a pre-seed round. We now have enough funds to build our pitch deck for the seed round

We got an acquisition offer! For our domain name.

Our north star KPI is the percentage of buzzwords in our pitch deck.

We got accepted into an accelerator. Now we burn money faster.

We reached a one billion dollars valuation. In Zimbabwean dollars.

We have 51 microservices, 10 database, 3 domain names. And 2 users.

Our KPI is just how many times we say 'synergy' in meetings.

We were cashflow positive until someone asked what that meant.

We are fully bootstrapped. Mostly because nobody wants to fund us.

We're building a community of confused users.

Our MRR stands for 'Mostly Rhetorical Revenue'.

We're agile, mostly in our ability to find new excuses.

Our CEO has one superpower. LinkedIn posts.

We're D2C: Desperate to Convert.