We pivot so often our product has motion sickness.

We spent all our pre-seed on hoodies.

Our KPI is just how many times we say 'synergy' in meetings.

We spent 3 months on logo, 3 minutes on product.

We were profitable once — in a simulation.

We pivot so often our product has motion sickness.

We're building a community of confused users.

Our north star KPI is the percentage of buzzwords in our pitch deck.

We reached a one billion dollars valuation. In Zimbabwean dollars.

Our MRR stands for 'Mostly Rhetorical Revenue'.

We reached a hockey stick growth. Of our AWS costs.

Our go-to-market strategy is hope. And prayers.

We have more funding rounds than customers.

We don’t have users, we have survivors.

We're agile, mostly in our ability to find new excuses.

We A/B tested our landing page. Both versions failed.

We raised a pre-seed round. We now have enough funds to build our pitch deck for the seed round

We outsource everything. Particularly, accountability.

We pivoted so much that we developed the same product twice.

Our CEO has one superpower. LinkedIn posts.